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He was reading a French-African play⎯upside down (meant as an obscure joke).

You can have the most awesome profile and you can send her the most intriguing message, but she may never see it. Spend just as much time crafting an intriguing subject line as you do in writing the rest of your message.

I'd venture to say⎯barring a nasty diagnosis or a death in her immediate family⎯she wasn't attracted, even though she liked him. In other words, she was either avoiding an act of rejection, or she was using him for his brain. Now I was being tested on a subject I knew nothing about. If you don't want someone like me, please let your freak flag fly right away.

Truthfully, I have no idea why this woman dumped my buddy. Get Your All Your Duck Fetishes in a Row "I hurt myself last night, but I can't say what I did," confessed one potential paramour over Pad Thai. We'd been hanging out for six weeks, and I thought there was potential.

It said: "Do you want to go to lunch and a movie tomorrow? She'll pay." Watching Amy Webb's TED talk (in which she details her online dating frustrations⎯until she got all her algorithms right), I was reminded of my own internet adventures before finally meeting my husband on Match in 2006. Calculating debt based on who had caramel in their frappuccino is not. Approaching in the bright orange jacket I'd "borrowed" from a costume shop, I sported a hippy-fringe purse. Chris felt it too, awkwardly standing there in his loafers, pressed slacks, and white oxford.

With heart palpitating, I played his voicemail message. To them I reply, "If you're offended by this old-fashioned custom, then don't be shy about whipping out your wallet instead." In truth, it doesn't matter who forks over the cash as long as someone does it⎯fully. Taking someone out, being taken out...a rendezvous like this is sexy. There's a reason horny manakin birds do a moon dance and hippos spray their lovers with wet feces. Be happy you're not one of those female mites who kills her mother and brother while breeding. Then dare yourself to get though them all before coffee stains become visible in the cup. Be Exactly Who You are, Though This Means You'll Get Rejected After a slew of emails, Chris and I agreed to meet in front of a museum.

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