The next morning (or even that night) come the recriminations: Was it wrong to give that person the sexual green light when you had no intention of rekindling the emotional side of the relationship?Marilyn, a 57-year-old single colleague of mine, recently reconnected with someone she had worked with many years ago. "No," Marilyn said with a laugh, "it's better than that: I'm in like with him — and that's exactly where I want to be." She further confided that they planned to make their reunions "a regular thing — if four times a year can be called 'regular.' But I think that's about all I really want." Marilyn's casual approach to maintaining a friendship with benefits typifies the mindset of older folks who have reconciled themselves to having "great fun" even if it's "just one of those things." And episodic pleasure-seeking may be more common than you think: In The Normal Bar, a book I wrote last year with Chrisanna Northrup and James Witte, we reported that 61 percent of female survey respondents who had partners fantasized about someone they had met.
Signing up, creating a profile and checking out who else is on the site costs nothing, however, if you'd like to contact others or reply to anything other than the first message a paying member sends you, you'll need to fork out the monthly fee to make contact." At first, her disclosure strikes you as too much information.But then it gets you thinking: You're single, too — what could be so bad about a casual night in bed with someone you like but don't love?That doesn't mean all casual lovers feel emotionally bereft in the wake of a purely physical rendezvous, mind you.Many say they're getting exactly what they want and need.
Polyamory, as well as other non-traditional ways of structuring relationships, are increasingly common among all cross-sections of society.